Setting out to organize a space shared with your love… gasp! Closets, bathroom, dressers are often shared. How do you get your loved one on board with peace? First recognize that you cannot make someone declutter, but if they have a willing mind, there are steps you can take to maintain peace and harmony during the process. As a Pro Organizer, I’ve experienced a time or two when I’m hired by one spouse to declutter with strict instructions from their loved one to not touch their items–we must honor that request. Following are 7 recommended ways to declutter your space with peace to avoid disagreements. 

1. Start with Shared Goals

Talk about why you want to declutter–easier mornings, streamlined spaces, less stress!  When the outcome benefits both of you, it feels less personal and more like a team effort.  And, while at it avoid pointing out all what your love is not doing–that’s a quick way to start an argument.

2. Declutter in Short Sessions

Who wants long, exhausting sessions–they can spark tension.  Instead, try 30-60 minute focused sessions to keep energy–and patience–high. Schedule a time, commit to it and set a timer at the start to honor time.  Recognize that bite sizes is usually better when developing the declutter muscles.

3. Respect Different Decluttering Styles

Chances are one is always more eager to declutter and restore order, while the other prefers a slower approach. Further, levels of order differs greatly too. Avoid the labels–“messy” or “too emotional.” Instead start small and meet in the middle to slowly develop a realistic pace.

4. Establish the “Personal Territory” Rule

When there are clear territories of things and corners (even in a shared space), each person gets full control over their designated spaces–their side of the closet, counter or drawers.  Areas used by both should require joint decisions. 

5. Don’t Assume–ASK

This is a big one, before tossing or donating something, ask your love, if it’s absolutely needed (i.e., perhaps present that you have multiple items of the same item–now they have the power to make the decision). Remember what looks like clutter to you may hold a special memory or milestone for your love.

6. Create a ‘PAUSE Pile’

If there are questionable items, separate in a ‘Pause Pile’ and revisit them later. Establish a revisit date, if neither missed the items, it becomes easier to let them go without conflict.  However, remember to implement the ‘Personal Territory Rule’.

7. Progress over Perfection

Clearing one shelf, counter, corner or drawer together builds momentum and encouragement to continue.  Celebrate the wins, no matter how small. Progress over Perfection always.

Decluttering with your love one is not always easy, but it’s necessary to keep the peace and harmony, especially in a shared space. If decluttering together still presents challenges, remember that the clutter wasn’t generated overnight and it will likely not all be resolved in one sitting.  And, if disruption and disharmony persists, consider adding a neutral expert. Sometimes an objective third party (hello pro organizer 🙋🏽‍♀️) can provide guidance for effective results. Seriously, remember Peace and harmony is always the goal.